My Restless Soul

I’m currently sitting on the beach. 

I came down this morning because I needed to. I heard, from our home, the thunder of waves crashing as they pounded their way to the shore, and I thought: I need a bit of pure unadulterated sea spray in my face, ocean breeze with hints of drying kelp, and to watch the endless march of breakers crashing onto the rocks: endless motion into embedded immovability.

And so I came down, down to the restless sea; never still - a metaphor for my life, perhaps. Always trying to figure it out, always trying to make ends meet, always trying to stay on top of it all.  Despite my best efforts, and despite the continuing restlessness in my soul, I am still here - so maybe there is a place I need to get to that says: I believe, help my unbelief.  (This is then a residual and continual unbelief.   I do not have the ability to generate it within myself, and so this prayer is a daily prayer - not a once-off-and-then-I’m-ok-again prayer.)

So as I now sit on the beach and gaze over this unending restlessness, I hear the wavelets in front of me, sssuuussssing as they flow in and out - ripples of their giant cousins further out. They tumble and that soothing sound is created as the seashells are swept towards the beach.   Behind me I hear a bird, maybe a wagtail, maybe a canary. It twitters occasionally, hunting for bugs or if the canary, a seed or two. 

Before I sat down, I collected seashells. The shells of the sea urchin are abundant and I always seem to be looking for them: the biggest but then also the smallest. And as I was looking today, I found that smallest of small urchins, perched atop a barnacle shell, as if to say to all the shells around it: I’m the king of the castle!!  

And I was amazed that the Creator, who manages the power of the ocean that is endlessly restless and relentless in its desire to conquer the land, could deposit this dainty shell atop its castle for me to find this morning, on this tide, as if to say: 

Despite the endless restlessness in your soul, despite your doubt, despite your circumstances, I have shown you that I can make this natural art for you to find today, on this tide, at this time. Know that I see you. I SEE you. I know you. I KNOW you.

And maybe, just maybe, that is enough.